PSYCHOLOGICAL RECOVERY FROM ADDICTION When it comes to recovery from addiction, the self-destructive substance on which one has come to compulsively depend for survival turns out to be the least part of the problem. Certainly, sobriety from abstinence is a prerequisite for recovery to start. However, at this fragile beginning point most addicts (victims of their own abuse) must begin to identify and correct a host of self-defeating behaviors that enabled dependency to thrive. What’s on this list of psychological issues to be addressed? Here are a few common corrections people recovering from addictive living often feel called upon to make. From ESCAPE to ENGAGEMENT: Instead of medicating or running away from hard feelings, learning to feel and deal with painful emotions directly, talking them out, not acting them out. From MANIPULATION to DECLARATION: Instead of using subterfuge or coercion to get one’s way in relationships, learning to discuss one’s wants openly and then negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement, accepting that compromise is often the best deal one can get. From LYING to HONESTY: Instead of denying the truth of one’s past actions, actual intent, or current behavior to self and others, learning to courageously admit what really happened, what one is thinking, what is really going on. From RESENTMENT to FORGIVENESS: Instead of holding on to grievances that can be used to emotionally justify harmful actions to self or others, learning to let anger from hurt feelings go. From SELFISHNESS to CONSIDERATION: Instead of continually indulging self at the expense of others, learning to set some self-interest aside out of concern for their needs and well being. From SECRECY to OPENNESS: Instead of living in concealment to hide illicit or unhealthy conduct from discovery, learning to lead one’s life with no fear from public disclosure. From IMPATIENCE to PATIENCE: Instead of being ruled by urgency, impulse, and the tyranny of now, learning to delay gratification to take one’s time, or however long it takes, trusting to later to satisfy a need or reach a goal, accepting when one can’t that that’s okay. From FANTASY to REALITY: Instead of operating as if imaginary hopes and fears are true, learning to stick to the actual data that life provides, making reasonable assessments, and proceeding based on how things are, not on how one wishes they might or might not be. From CONTROLLING OTHERS to CONTROLLING SELF: Instead of forcing other people to fit, fulfil, and follow one’s personal agenda, after stating one’s opinion and desire, learning to honor the rights of others to make their decisions, being content to simply govern one’s own. From INCOMPLETION to COMPLETION: Instead of starting much and finishing little, learning to carry plans, proposals, and projects to conclusion. From UNRELIABILITY to DEPENDABILITY: Instead of making and breaking endless promises to self and others, learning to keep the commitments that one makes, being true to one’s word. From INCONSISTENCY to CONSISTENCY: Instead of being a "hit and miss" performer, sometimes maintaining crucial effort but more often not, learning to faithfully continue regimens that are important, being disciplined in this consistency. From EXPLOITATION to RESPECT: Instead of using other people as objects to gratify one’s needs, learning to value them as human beings, to respect their worth, and to treat them with love. Recovery involves not just stopping the addictive dependency, but changing how one used to live destructively within oneself and in relationship to others, learning to make those changes a lot of what recovery is about. © Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. For permission to use this article, contact the author.